Like others have said, it is healthy to grieve. In some cultures there is a specific amount of time where everyone understands the bereaved won't be doing much other than honoring the dead by paring away all distractions and just existing. That sounds difficult as a US-ian raised on distractions, but I gave it a try several years ago when my dog died. Ended up sharing a good cry with an older lonely neighbor who was also closely bonded with their aging dog, and later I was there for them after their dog passed on- thanks to embracing grief and vulnerability we were less alone in our suffering, but not wallowing either; it felt healthy.
It took me many months before the waves of sadness and loss subsided, and a year or two to where the dominant memories are joy, love, adventure.
All that to say- especially given your fortune, I wouldn't be concerned with what's next at the expense of what's now.
You are grieving. Be patient and kind to yourself. You just experienced one of the most traumatic events in life, the death of a loved one. Let yourself grieve and ensure you get the help you need.
If it was me, I for sure would fill my time with travel for a little while. Personally I’d get or build a comfortable van and visit lots of parts of the US and Canada where I’ve never been. Reflect on nature’s beauty and be alone with my thoughts, and peaceful.
Obviously there is another kind of travel that’s more focused on luxury/hedonism/etc. that’s not my thing, and in my humble opinion risks getting caught up in alcohol/drugs/empty sex/etc. would not recommend especially because the temptation of doing all of the above to excess would be there if you’re popping bottles in Miami Beach or whatever.
One thing you might want to do would be to see who would like to have you as an advisor for their startup. You successfully did a hard thing that thousands are desperate to do. Many could benefit from your learned lessons. You could offer to give talks at your alma mater, help vet people’s startup ideas, etc. I know you may not feel like you’re some genius or oracle but you’d make a much better judge of that kind of thing than I would!
My thoughts are... know that your feelings [ALL OF THEM] are there to serve or service you. Ask your self-how does [insert feeling here] this feeling serve me? When you establish and or reestablish your truth and your feelings are in thier right place, your will see how dope you are and your endless capabilities to endure and overcome... your already doing the work. The money is a gift to choose where and how you want to manage your time; time now works for you treat it just as your feelings; how will this money service me and my dreams imagination etc? In short know you are More than enough and have something left to know and to do. This is why your asking such beautiful open question. now you must continue to show the world,so others can recall and remember thier self too, who and what you are. Thank you for helping me.
Sorry for your loss. Hope it will get better soon.
When I lost someone, people at work felt awkward about asking about it, except for one weird guy that did a lot of charity work. Remember being super pissed at him 3 weeks after the funeral, when he said that the first year if the worst. But he was right.
I really regret not going to a psychologist. I didn't know how to explain it to the family doctor to make him send me to one (live in Norway, where taxes are insane, but if you make your case right, you get almost free medical assistance, capped at $300/y). I also didn't know it was worth it even with costs that seemed prohibitive.
It's worth knowing, that psychologists are like programmers - not everyone is good at everything.
Find a couple specializing in supporting grieving people, see at least 3 and decide which one fits you best.
I won't add my two cents, since good people above have already shared thoughtful advice.
I just want to say this:
Whatever you choose to do — let it be something that, if your parents could see you now, they’d say:
"Well done, son. You're doing the right thing. We’re proud of you !"
>I'm grateful, but I also feel very alone and a little lost. I’m not sure what to do next — with my time, my energy, or even with my life.
You may be tempted to fill your time and spend your energy and money on things that take your mind off of "life". Drugs, alcohol, gambling, carnal pleasures, clubbing, etc. It will spiral and you'll lose your life, health, and wealth. You are a prime target for leeches and parasites who smell a lonely soul with a full wallet a mile away.
Were you to need an addiction to "cope" and "avoid reality", make it an addiction that could:
1 - fade a way
2 - not ruin your health, wealth, and time.
3 - become a net positive
For instance: picking up a sport (judo, jiu-jitsu, wrestling), hiking, pursuing a degree, going to workshops that make you work with your hands (masonry, ceramics, carpentry, agriculture, stonewalls, manufacturing/fabrication). These may be coping mechanisms and just a "transition", but they are virtuous coping mechanisms and I don't see you regretting your masonry classes; on the contrary, you will have acquired a skill for life even if/after your interest "fades away", and may even become your business.
In other words, please be very careful and deliberate about how you spend your health, time, and money.
You'll also be tempted to brood and stay home or on the contrary, be out all night and chasing pleasures, hence my recommendations on physical activities (judo and masonry) for you really ought to stay connected with your body and physical being especially now. If you work out, don't stop. If you don't, start.
Find your next mission. Set up FIRE and then focus on humanitarian causes that appeal to you. Nothing better than helping others (humans, animals and nature).
I don't have any experience in this, so this is all just simulation for me. I would probably take a nice vacation, pick up a hobby or two, and then either find a fulfilling part time job or volunteer work. I feel like unless you have 8 figures, that money will go faster than expected, so maybe it's a good idea to work a full time job with benefits for another decade or so, even if it's lower paying but more fulfilling, so that you can preserve more capital.
Take time to be lost. There is no need to rush into any projects/decisions/attitudes. What happened to you is very unusual and it'll take time to process. Time that you have.
Condolences for your loss. It sounds like a difficult period - give yourself time to mourn. Try to fill the time with meaningful experiences - if you like dogs, go to a dog shelter, if you like hiking, go hiking. A lot of sun, sport and good company helps too. Avoid thinking about the future, work or money right now.
The technical term for where you've arrived at is "mid life crisis" - albeit a bit earlier than most.
Your search for success is over. So the next step becomes the search for significance.
First though, as others have said, your "what to do next" is colored by the natural grieving process you need to go through. Accept that your emotions will likely be all over the place for a while. This isn't a time for big decisions, but rather smaller, quieter, times for you to find a new simple routine.
Once your life has returned to (emotional) normal, then you can start the next chapter. Being significant means making a difference, on the people around you, on your environment, and so on.
Like with most things, there's no "quick path". You need to try this, try that, and see what sticks. Local charities are always a good place to start (they can use the help) but they may just be a stepping stone till you find your place. Interacting with youth in some way (school, church, clubs etc) can also be very inspirational (for you and for them.) Kids like to hear stories of success (they're still on that path) and hearing it from someone young - closer to their own age - really sticks.
Most of all, don't panic if you wake up tomorrow with nothing to do. You've got a long road ahead. You don't need to rush. Take some time to just settle down. Maybe go on a trip to somewhere peaceful.
Charities- yes, and: consider the concept of mutual aid as well. In-the-mix helping others, and being helped reciprocally (but not transactionally) is potentially more meaningful than helping through charitable giving, though given our dominant paradigm of capitalism, charity is certainly helpful too.
> I have absolutely zero regrets about my relationship with my parents. They were amazing people, and we had an amazing relationship
Pay it forward, find a partner and be an amazing parent. It's not just rewarding, it's fun too!
Honestly, money can mitigate a lot of the harder parts of having kids (not getting a break, getting woken up at night when they're little babies, having to hire a babysitter if you want to see a movie at night etc).
Find a grief support group asap, you absolutely cannot be alone through this. I'm sure there are some that meet online everyday. This is different than just therapy. I am sorry for your loss.
Sorry for your loss. You might find helpful to talk walks in nature. Grief support groups are very useful. Many people also find volunteering helpful, as it involves helping people and being around people (and sometimes animals). Schedule some sort of plan for yourself with times for being social, helping people, art and being outside. Please avoid isolating yourself. Good luck.
You are mourning your parents, your company and maybe you are mourning having to work towards something, maybe even mourning the financial worry itself.
Thing with mourning is that now things seem to be over but they will start again eventually. It's all about time. Also I'm sorry you feel alone, I hope you'll find a way to manage that.
Like others have said, it is healthy to grieve. In some cultures there is a specific amount of time where everyone understands the bereaved won't be doing much other than honoring the dead by paring away all distractions and just existing. That sounds difficult as a US-ian raised on distractions, but I gave it a try several years ago when my dog died. Ended up sharing a good cry with an older lonely neighbor who was also closely bonded with their aging dog, and later I was there for them after their dog passed on- thanks to embracing grief and vulnerability we were less alone in our suffering, but not wallowing either; it felt healthy.
It took me many months before the waves of sadness and loss subsided, and a year or two to where the dominant memories are joy, love, adventure.
All that to say- especially given your fortune, I wouldn't be concerned with what's next at the expense of what's now.
You are grieving. Be patient and kind to yourself. You just experienced one of the most traumatic events in life, the death of a loved one. Let yourself grieve and ensure you get the help you need.
If it was me, I for sure would fill my time with travel for a little while. Personally I’d get or build a comfortable van and visit lots of parts of the US and Canada where I’ve never been. Reflect on nature’s beauty and be alone with my thoughts, and peaceful.
Obviously there is another kind of travel that’s more focused on luxury/hedonism/etc. that’s not my thing, and in my humble opinion risks getting caught up in alcohol/drugs/empty sex/etc. would not recommend especially because the temptation of doing all of the above to excess would be there if you’re popping bottles in Miami Beach or whatever.
One thing you might want to do would be to see who would like to have you as an advisor for their startup. You successfully did a hard thing that thousands are desperate to do. Many could benefit from your learned lessons. You could offer to give talks at your alma mater, help vet people’s startup ideas, etc. I know you may not feel like you’re some genius or oracle but you’d make a much better judge of that kind of thing than I would!
My thoughts are... know that your feelings [ALL OF THEM] are there to serve or service you. Ask your self-how does [insert feeling here] this feeling serve me? When you establish and or reestablish your truth and your feelings are in thier right place, your will see how dope you are and your endless capabilities to endure and overcome... your already doing the work. The money is a gift to choose where and how you want to manage your time; time now works for you treat it just as your feelings; how will this money service me and my dreams imagination etc? In short know you are More than enough and have something left to know and to do. This is why your asking such beautiful open question. now you must continue to show the world,so others can recall and remember thier self too, who and what you are. Thank you for helping me.
Sorry for your loss. Hope it will get better soon.
When I lost someone, people at work felt awkward about asking about it, except for one weird guy that did a lot of charity work. Remember being super pissed at him 3 weeks after the funeral, when he said that the first year if the worst. But he was right.
I really regret not going to a psychologist. I didn't know how to explain it to the family doctor to make him send me to one (live in Norway, where taxes are insane, but if you make your case right, you get almost free medical assistance, capped at $300/y). I also didn't know it was worth it even with costs that seemed prohibitive.
It's worth knowing, that psychologists are like programmers - not everyone is good at everything.
Find a couple specializing in supporting grieving people, see at least 3 and decide which one fits you best.
Sending love, hope you get better!
I won't add my two cents, since good people above have already shared thoughtful advice. I just want to say this: Whatever you choose to do — let it be something that, if your parents could see you now, they’d say: "Well done, son. You're doing the right thing. We’re proud of you !"
May your parents forever live in your heart.
>I'm grateful, but I also feel very alone and a little lost. I’m not sure what to do next — with my time, my energy, or even with my life.
You may be tempted to fill your time and spend your energy and money on things that take your mind off of "life". Drugs, alcohol, gambling, carnal pleasures, clubbing, etc. It will spiral and you'll lose your life, health, and wealth. You are a prime target for leeches and parasites who smell a lonely soul with a full wallet a mile away.
Were you to need an addiction to "cope" and "avoid reality", make it an addiction that could:
1 - fade a way
2 - not ruin your health, wealth, and time.
3 - become a net positive
For instance: picking up a sport (judo, jiu-jitsu, wrestling), hiking, pursuing a degree, going to workshops that make you work with your hands (masonry, ceramics, carpentry, agriculture, stonewalls, manufacturing/fabrication). These may be coping mechanisms and just a "transition", but they are virtuous coping mechanisms and I don't see you regretting your masonry classes; on the contrary, you will have acquired a skill for life even if/after your interest "fades away", and may even become your business.
In other words, please be very careful and deliberate about how you spend your health, time, and money.
You'll also be tempted to brood and stay home or on the contrary, be out all night and chasing pleasures, hence my recommendations on physical activities (judo and masonry) for you really ought to stay connected with your body and physical being especially now. If you work out, don't stop. If you don't, start.
Find your next mission. Set up FIRE and then focus on humanitarian causes that appeal to you. Nothing better than helping others (humans, animals and nature).
Sorry for your loss. The journey you experience here after, is your personal. You won't be able to talk about it even if you try.
Words won't match what you exactly try to say.
You will understand value of life and your own self.
Your next steps will be radical and you will become the person they had in their heart
I don't have any experience in this, so this is all just simulation for me. I would probably take a nice vacation, pick up a hobby or two, and then either find a fulfilling part time job or volunteer work. I feel like unless you have 8 figures, that money will go faster than expected, so maybe it's a good idea to work a full time job with benefits for another decade or so, even if it's lower paying but more fulfilling, so that you can preserve more capital.
Sorry for your loss. Listening to Sadhguru carried me through difficult times. Helpful, but probably not the kindest thing to hear:
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KIdWjMs-VYk - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a4SEVvTs1L0 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SMQ-rJlOpSU
Take time to be lost. There is no need to rush into any projects/decisions/attitudes. What happened to you is very unusual and it'll take time to process. Time that you have.
Condolences for your loss. It sounds like a difficult period - give yourself time to mourn. Try to fill the time with meaningful experiences - if you like dogs, go to a dog shelter, if you like hiking, go hiking. A lot of sun, sport and good company helps too. Avoid thinking about the future, work or money right now.
The technical term for where you've arrived at is "mid life crisis" - albeit a bit earlier than most.
Your search for success is over. So the next step becomes the search for significance.
First though, as others have said, your "what to do next" is colored by the natural grieving process you need to go through. Accept that your emotions will likely be all over the place for a while. This isn't a time for big decisions, but rather smaller, quieter, times for you to find a new simple routine.
Once your life has returned to (emotional) normal, then you can start the next chapter. Being significant means making a difference, on the people around you, on your environment, and so on.
Like with most things, there's no "quick path". You need to try this, try that, and see what sticks. Local charities are always a good place to start (they can use the help) but they may just be a stepping stone till you find your place. Interacting with youth in some way (school, church, clubs etc) can also be very inspirational (for you and for them.) Kids like to hear stories of success (they're still on that path) and hearing it from someone young - closer to their own age - really sticks.
Most of all, don't panic if you wake up tomorrow with nothing to do. You've got a long road ahead. You don't need to rush. Take some time to just settle down. Maybe go on a trip to somewhere peaceful.
Good luck.
Charities- yes, and: consider the concept of mutual aid as well. In-the-mix helping others, and being helped reciprocally (but not transactionally) is potentially more meaningful than helping through charitable giving, though given our dominant paradigm of capitalism, charity is certainly helpful too.
learn about the stages of grief, try not to make large financial decisions for a few months
> I have absolutely zero regrets about my relationship with my parents. They were amazing people, and we had an amazing relationship
Pay it forward, find a partner and be an amazing parent. It's not just rewarding, it's fun too!
Honestly, money can mitigate a lot of the harder parts of having kids (not getting a break, getting woken up at night when they're little babies, having to hire a babysitter if you want to see a movie at night etc).
Find a grief support group asap, you absolutely cannot be alone through this. I'm sure there are some that meet online everyday. This is different than just therapy. I am sorry for your loss.
Sorry for your loss. You might find helpful to talk walks in nature. Grief support groups are very useful. Many people also find volunteering helpful, as it involves helping people and being around people (and sometimes animals). Schedule some sort of plan for yourself with times for being social, helping people, art and being outside. Please avoid isolating yourself. Good luck.
You are mourning your parents, your company and maybe you are mourning having to work towards something, maybe even mourning the financial worry itself.
Thing with mourning is that now things seem to be over but they will start again eventually. It's all about time. Also I'm sorry you feel alone, I hope you'll find a way to manage that.
Good luck
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